Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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