Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
