Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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