Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
