I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
