Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
