Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
