He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
