I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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