you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
