Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
