You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
