Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
