he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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