just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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