This house was built for laser tag.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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