i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
