just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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