escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
