what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
