Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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