I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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