before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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