i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
