just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
