oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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