every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
