Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I smell like Dick and happiness
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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