i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Boobs are out for the taking
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
