So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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