All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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