her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
