its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
