Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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