She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
