Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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