What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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