i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
