school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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