I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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