is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
