So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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