she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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