Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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