fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
