They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
