wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
