i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
