mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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