The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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