Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
