My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Quick, to the slutcave!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
