I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
