You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
