Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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