do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Less talking, more tequila
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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