It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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