they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
