afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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