Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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