I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
