if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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