my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
