My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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