Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
