the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
