Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
