fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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