Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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