Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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