I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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