i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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