Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
