I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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