My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
