My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
